Slow Newsreel of Man Riding Train (Part III), by Robert Nichols

III TWO TELEGRAMS

(Sturgis ND) EXPECT SWAYNE & ADNEY STEAMER TRUNK WILL BE RETURNED RAILWAY EXPRESS PORTLAND INABILITY TO PAY STORAGE CHARGES MUST ADVISE CANNOT CONTINUE MEET ALIMONY THIS YEAR DUE TO HEAVY EXPENSES TRAVEL. WHO IS KEEPING UP ILEX HEDGE? NOTE WITH PLEASURE POLICE COMMISSIONER HAS DIED. PLAN TO RETURN HOME DEFINITELY MEMORIAL DAY THIS YEAR 1919. ENCLOSE LIST OF IMMEDIATE FAMILY TO BE INVITED WITH EXCEPTIONS NOTED. CAN YOU GUARANTEE THERE WILL BE NO REPETITION OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS LAST TIME? KINDLY CONTINUE MY SUBSCRIPTION TO THE ATHENAEUM. HAVE YOU LOCATED MY CLAMP SKATES?

(Fitchburg Mass.) MEETING OF TRUSTEES HELD YESTERDAY SO GLAD YOU HAVE DECIDED AT LAST SELL MOTHER’S CAMEO. WOULD YOU CONSIDER SELL MAYFLOWER MILLS BUY ACCOUSTICON? BOOKSELLER’S AGENT ARRIVES THURSDAY APPRAISE YOU COMPLETE THACKERAY COLLECTION. COULD YOU PART YOUR OWN DAVID COPPERFIELD? HOW ABOUT COTTON MATHER MAGNALIA YOUR ANNOTATED COPY? WE EXPECT NOT. MUST YOU KEEP THESE THINGS INDEFINITELY? WOULD YOU CONSIDER AUCTIONING OFF YOU THONNET ROCKER, YOUR OLD JAEGER BLANKET? WOULD YOU CONSIDER SWITCHING LONG RANGE MUNICIPAL BONDS? MARKET CONTINUES FAVORABLE VARIED LINES SHOULD EXPAND PARTICULARLY IF HARDING IS RENOMINATED. WOULD YOU CONSIDER 5 ½% CONVERTIBLE DEBENTURES? HAVE YOU CONSIDERED DROPPING PEPPERILL MILLS PICKING UP GENERAL CARLOADING? WOULD YOU DROP MOHAWK RUBBER PICK UP MONSANTO CORPORATION? DO YOU INTEND TO PAY THE TIWNS REMEDIAL READING BILL THIS YEAR? SORRY CANNOT GET YOU ANYMORE FREE RAILROAD PASSES. BY THE WAY IF YOU ARE IN BANGOR YOU MIGHT DROP IN ON CONSOLIDATED EDISON PART OF WHICH YOU OWN. THEY WILL ALWAYS BE GLAD TO FIND YOU A ROOM. A LIST OF OTHER FRIENDLY COMPANIES FOLLOWS, WHOM YOU CAN CALL ON FOR HELP SHOULD THE OCCASION ARISE:

Seattle Puget Sound Power
Oakland West Cent. Public Service
Phoenix SW Light & Power
Milwaukee Wisc. Power & Light
Chicago Cent. Ill. Elec. & Gas
New Jersey Standard Oil of N.J.
Baltimore Maryland Pub. Serv.
Reno Sierra Pacific Power.
El Paso Aztec Power
Pittsburg Peoples Gas

REMEMBER YOU MAY EXPECT THEM TO TAKE A PERSONAL INTEREST IN YOU AS YOU DO IN THEM. IN AN EMERGENCY CALL HATFORD FIRE & INDEMNITY YOU HOME AGENCY. ARE YOU GOING TO DISPOSE OF YOU YOULIA WARD HOW SIDEBOARD YOUR BRONZE CHAFING DISH YOU CIGAR HUMIDOR? ANY OBJECTION GETTING RID OF YOU RUDYARD KIPLING YOU FIRST EDITION JAMES FENIMORE COOPER YOUR COMPLETE ERNEST HEMINGWAY? WOULD YOU CONSIDER DROPPING ANACONDA COPPER PICKING UP STYLON? SWITCHING BOHAK NATIONAL CAR FOUNDRY PICKING UP EQUAL SHARES BASIC RESEARCH MAGMUM CORPORATION? WE ARE DELIGHTED YOU PLAN TO RETURN HOME WHITSUNDAY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SPERRY GYROSCOPE SERVO MECHANISMS? ARE YOU INTERESTED IN LEAD FUTURES? YOUR JANE AUSTEN HAS BECOME MILDEWED WOULD YOU CONSIDER DISPOSING YOUR MYSTERIES OF UDOLPHO LOVES & LIVES OF FRANK HARRIS? COST OF WHAREHOUSING & STORAGE HIGH THESE ITEMS. WOULD YOU LET GO YOUR HOLDING SHENLEY JJ NEWBERRY UNIVERSAL BAG GO INTO CHROME-ALLOY? HOW ABOUT ZEPOTE PETROLEUM EGYPTIAN COTTON SAUDI ARABIAN FREE RIYAL? DO YOU KNOW THAT THE FIRST SULLIVAN OFFICE BUILDING IS FOR SALE? LAKE QUINSIGAMOND HAS BEEN DRAINED WOULD YOU CONSIDER AUCTIONING OFF YOU ELECTRIC LAUNCH YOUR VOLUNTEER FIRE BUCKET?

From Slow Newsreel of Man Riding Train by Robert Nichols (City Lights, 1962)